Perky People Piss Me Off and Other Pet Peeves

Perky People Piss Me Off. I am not perky and have never been. I am motivated, energetic and maybe even high strung occasionally. I am a realist, my glass is half empty and I could possibly be described as pessimistic but at least I am always prepared and I am not naive. Even as a cheerleader, I was not the stereotypical one. I was also the valedictorian of my class.

Yesterday, I was at the doctor's office and the perky nurse escorted me back to the exam room and she asked me how my day was going. I said, "Fine. I'd be better if you had not kept me waiting for 25 minutes." Then she was blabbering on and on about the day, the weather and everything else. Really? We are not BFFs. I do not like new people. I am not hear to chit chat. Give me the information that I need so I can get back to work! Do you think my time is less valuable then yours? I really doubt it.

This made me think about some of my other pet peeves. Stupid people annoy me. I can't even describe all the examples of this that I encounter on a daily basis so I am not even going to try.

People who slam on their brakes make me mad. When I rear end you because of your stupidity you will be upset as well. This happened on Wednesday when people forget how to drive in the snow. We live in Michigan for God's sake? We have snow all the time!

So, I think the best thing is for people is to stop acting stupid, drive like a normal person and stop being perky. If you do, we will get along fine!

I Love New York

The Big Apple. The City That Never Sleeps. Empire City. Gotham City. New York City.

Frank Sinatra sings about it in New York, New York, Billy Joel talks about a New York State of Mind and Jay-Z and Alicia Keys describe an Empire State of Mind. Movies want to Escape from New York, express their infatuation in New York, I Love You, detail the grittiness of the city in Gangs of New York and show romance in Autumn in New York. I've always had a love affair with New York City since my first trip when I was 4 or 5. Here are some highlights:

• Going up the World Trade Center and looking out the glass bottom floor when I was 4 or 5 with my parents, aunt and uncle thinking the cars looked like match boxes.
• See my first play "Nunsense" when I was in junior high.
• Having Helen Keller threaten to "open a can of whoop ass" on Nick on a street corner in Greenwich Village.
• Hanging out with artists who lived in a garage with no running water.
• Being mortified when my parents started singing Happy Birthday at Planet Hollywood on my 21st birthday.
• Hard core shopping at the now defunct Warner Brothers store.
• Skating in Central Park with the Alpine Club (aka, Molly, Amanda and Me).
• Swips and cankles with Mary Jo on our Central Park rickshaw tour.
• Losing an EF student on a Central Park bike tour.
• Trying to go to the Met during the Puerto Rican Day parade. It is not possible, don't even try it!
• Stumbling across the Gay Pride Parade as we toured the city while I was on crutches.
• Drinking my $18 drink atop the Marriott Millennium.
• Having a stomach ache at the Fancy Food Show after trying way too many samples, but pushing my way to the front of the line to meet Paula Dean.
• Hanging with Al Sharpton in the LGA World Club.
• Flying to DTW with the bitchy, unfriendly Renee Zellweger.
• Hanging with Randy at Tao - need I say more?
• Mary Jo's meltdown at Jay-Z's 40/40 club.
• Feeling like a superstar at Spice Kitchen and Curtains with the Pedro.
• Chasing Ethan Hawke down the street.
• Cursing Woody Allen who was filming in Time Square while we were running late for a show.
• Stopping at a light and running into The Bachelorette Trista and her husband Ryan.
• The majestic feeling of Yankee Stadium.
• Being pissed that the summer I lived in the Bronx was the same year as the MLB strike.
• Almost dying in the Bronx when my father did a u-turn in 6 lanes of traffic!
• Derek Jeter, enough said!

I could go on and on but New York Rocks! As Frank says, "If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere, It's up to you, New York, New York!"

Where Have All the Good Ones Gone?

I am a social person. I know, shocking! As I move through life from high school to college to grad school to work life, people come in and out of your life. Sometimes you lose touch with people, not because they have pissed you off, but because your lives have gone in different directions. As I approach my birthday, maybe I am feeling nostalgic, maybe I am being sentimental or maybe I just need a drink, but it got me thinking about good friends from times long ago.

First up high school - my best friend and cheer leading partner Angel. We made it through high school, big hair, cheer leading injuries together. We cruised the Caribbean together and even danced a choreographed routine to Janet Jackson at the cruise talent show. Now, that is friendship! I remember practicing in the yard at my grandmother's house. We had our cassette tape player and our matching shirts and we thought we were so cool!

Next up, my friend Robbie, now known as Rob to the rest of the world. We starting hanging out senior year even though we had spent the first 11 years of school together. He crossed into my college years - we toured NYC after a rough night with our friend Jim (Bean), we hung out on breaks and spent lots of time talking about what we wanted to do when we grew up.

In college, there was my friend Mehul from my internship in the Bronx. My first fake-o boyfriend (sorry Scottie) we spent the summer exploring NYC. We went up the Empire State Building, we got stuck on a crowded subway on our way to Chinatown and he even convinced me to sit through Les Miz for a second time!

In Grad School, I had a trio of boys - Drew, JJ and Sal. The first two had gone to school with Helen Keller so they were safe and fun. Drew was our DD as we partied it up in Buckhead. JJ was our upstairs neighbor that made it seem like we had boy roommates (but without the mess) and Sal was another girlfriend. He was my wing man as we tried to find people worth dating!

Since moving to Michigan, people have come and gone. My friend Jen moved to Chicago and into an abyss. Friends left the Jaycees and I was too busy to keep up. Regardless, all these people contributed to my crazy life story. I wonder who will be here over the next 50 years? I know you and your cats will be Wendy!

Things that Make Me Happy

As the winter rages on here in Michigan (thanks Puxatony Phil for nothing), my mood deteriorates. There is nothing to do. I feel unsettled, blah, logy (a new word Scottie is using meaning sluggish) and just downright pissy. So as I try to cheer myself up, I decided to think about what makes me happy. Here we go (in no particular order) -

1) Sangria at Dominick's - even though a gallon costs more than a movie for 2, it makes me think of warm weather and the U of M students being gone for the summer.

2) Vacations - I love the planning, organizing and executing a vacation. It is time to start planning our Buenos Aires trip that is in a couple of months. Florida in 6 weeks is already well planned out.

3) Putt -putt - It just rocks! My goal is to play the semi-pro course with the longest fairways at Disney World in a few weeks. Did I mention that I am obsessed?

4) Dinner and Drinks Outside downtown - just don't stick me under a buggy tree, but the people watching is out of this world!

5) Baseball - spring training here we come! I miss you Derek, I miss you Tex, hurry back Swisher! I might be a little stalkerish in Florida, but I will get your autographs!

6) Wine Tours - going from winery to winery in Traverse City, singing "Papa Don't Preach" at Madonna's Dad's winery and eating way too much cheese!

7) NYC - We weren't there for JCI last year, but we will be this year, so I need to find the latest and greatest things to do. The city that never sleeps makes me crazy happy!

8) Flip-flops and Tank Tops - my summer uniform - need I say more?

What I don't like? Snow, Cold, having to stay indoors, no sun, all typical characteristics of Michigan winter. All things that have occurred in the last week in old Ann Arbor.

With it being Valentine's Day weekend and all, I probably should say my husband makes me happy, my family is cool, all that mushy stuff. While they do, I said I was focusing on Things that made me happy, so sorry you did not make the list! There will always be another list!

Extreme Shopping

One weekend a long, long time ago, before I was married, Wendy, another friend of ours and I went to Chicago for a girl's shopping weekend. We brought the Orange Vue (not the green one or the black one, as we had them in every color). As we started our long drive to Chicago (4 hours), we decided to stop in Michigan City, Indiana (honeymoon capitol of the South Siders) to do some outlet shopping. As we parked, we looked up to see a nuclear reactor as the scenery. After a bit of freaking out, someone screaming "It smells like nuclear energy. That can't be good for us!" we went about our shopping. 12 hours after we left Michigan, we arrived in Chicago to our ghetto Marriott far from downtown. Hey, we used points, what can we expect?

Off to Michigan Avenue and to do shopping. As we pushed our cart around TJ Maxx, it quickly became overburdened. We had too much stuff to use dressing rooms so we took turns guarding "base camp" (our cart) as we tried close on in the corner of the room. All was fine until a lady decided to start shopping from our cart. We nearly had a showdown but we let her leave with the ugly pumpkin sweater that we were carrying around and making fun of! By the time we left we needed a personal assistant to carry our bags. Just like P Diddy has an umbrella carrier, we needed a bag carrier and immediately thought of our friend Mike. Our boss Tom told us this is why people get married - good to know.

Off to a bookstore, where we found a woman bathing in the sink. We peed and ran out of there as quick as possible, When we told customer service, they said that they knew about here, she comes in often to shower. Really? Do you think that is wise?

After an exhausting day of shopping it was off to the bar where the drinks were flowing and we were an hour early for dinner. Apparently, we were having time zone issues as we rushed to Sugar to have dessert. At some point during the night, we called the Oreo hot line. Our oreos were defective and we need to check on their quality control standards.

As we cabbed back to the hotel, we realized just how lucky us single girls were and how much fun we had had!

Fancy Parties

I have always loved parties. I like going to them, throwing them, planning them, and keeping a full social calendar. As I have gotten older, parties have changed from traditional college keggers to more sophisticated affairs, but I still sort of stand in awe at Martha Stewart type parties. The first grown-up party I think I went to was at Tom and Trudi's house for a summer on the lake party. Shrimp, lots of wine and great steaks filled the menu. I felt so grown up at 25, like this is how parties should be. It quickly deteriorated when Wendy and I passed out in the hammock with the new nickname "The Sonoma Sisters." More parties at Tom and Trudi's again felt adult-like until Tim broke my croquet mallet while chasing a duck and my ex-boyfriend tipped the kayak and we had to perform a water rescue.

I went to Charity Preview event at the North American Auto Show in 2006. I was set up on a blind date who pulled out all the stops - a hired car and driver, appletinis in the car and dinner at the Detroit Athletic club. I met the Governor, snuck past the ghetto posse of Kwaime Kilpatrick (former mayor of Detroit) and went to the Time Life after party. But no matter how fancy the party, I still rode in a bumper car in my formal dress and had absolutely no chemistry with my date.

Finally, our birthday extravaganzas that Murph, Mindy, Fay, MJ and I have start out fancy with chocolate covered strawberries and Chandon. But after 6 bottles of champagne, I can bet we are not as fancy when we are being driven to Somerset since none of us are able to drive or when we eat all the Chinese food in sight at PF Chang's.

So I think I've figured it out. It does not matter how fancy the party is, the fun is more important!

Travelisms - the best souvenirs of a trip!

About 7 years ago, my friends and I started "Travelisms" - basically funny sayings that occur while we are out and about. As I was cleaning out my desk today, I came across some funny sayings from 2003 and I thought I'd share a few of the best ones with you.

Tim, Wendy and I went to the Dodger's game and Tim's seat was in another section. How did that happen? We bought all the seats at the same time!

- Mitzi, watch the posters - as we are crammed in the crowded section with LA Dodger posters that keep poking us.

- The game has started with little fanfare - apparently going to a baseball game in LA is more about being seen than watching the game. We were halfway through the first inning before we realized the game had even started.

- We assimilated easily and the locals embarrassed us. What? Are we a little dramatic or what? Just because someone talked to us? You'd think we were filming a cheesy Lifetime movie!

- If I could get to my pants, I would pay you - did I mention that we were very crowded at the game? I think this also lead to the phrase, "This feels like being in a middle seat in Northwest coach." We got really spoiled traveling so much for work.

The piece de resistance for this baseball game - you can buy crack cocaine 2 blocks away from here, but you can not buy more than 2 beers, you hear Tim muttering as he has to stand in the beer line for the 4th time of the night!

Random Ramblings from the Road

My travels take me all over the world from very luxurious places (Monaco and Hawaii) to some not so nice places (you know where you are). Here are some top Travel Dos and Don'ts:

• Don't ever take an airline again that puts you on a plane where the air conditioning is broke and it is 90 degrees out. Thank you Argentina Aeralinas!
• Don't ever take an airline again that keeps the cockpit door open the entire trip. Have you not heard of September 11th? The bird's eye view makes me nervous. Thank you Argentina Aeralinas!
• Don't over indulge in local specialties or else you will pay later. It is irresponsible to put a gravy boat of yummy peanut butter in front of me when I am starving. Thank you Trader Vic!
• Be careful of your rental of convertibles. They are not good when you get lost in the ghettos of L.A. and you try to put the roof up at a stop light. Thank you Hertz!
• Another warning on convertibles, the tops are very unstable. Putting your frappacino on top of the car when getting out of the car is a messy idea. Thank you Hertz!
• Don't every where tuxedo t-shirts. You know the t-shirts where the design is a tux. Don't think that makes you worthy of the Beverly Hills Hotel. Thank you Randy Quaid!
• Don't ever take a day long bus tour in a foreign country where bathrooms on the bus are optional. People are stupid, late and slow. Thank you London for making sure I never do that again!
• Don't ever go on vacation with Sean and Christa if you want to relax. Sean gave me a pre-Sean arrival list of places to see before they arrived so I would be up to speed with the touring in Seoul. Homework on vacation, now that is hard core. Thanks Sean!
• Don't go to a Steak restaurant during a Mad Cow Outbreak. It makes your dinner choices very limiting. Thanks Witchery (in Edinburgh)!
• Don't drag your significant other across town to esoteric museums that are hard to find like the wine museum in Paris. Especially when you get there and the placards are all in French and your significant other does not speak French. Thank you Paris!

So remember plan before you go!

My Laminated List

Remember the Friend's episode where Rachel and Ross discussed their laminated lists? The premise is if you meet anyone on your list, you get a free pass even if you are married or in a relationship. Ross ended up meeting his #1 Isabella Rosellini and he acted like such a dork she did not want to even talk to him.

Tom and I have had conversations about our laminated lists. I think Kate Beckinsale and Jennifer Connelly are on his list, but frankly I don't give it much thought. I am too busy reordering, adding and removing people from my list. I mean 5 people isn't really that many when there are so many to choose from.

So as of February 3, 2010 at 4:08 p.m. my list stands as:

1) Derek Jeter - Tom better watch out as we are going to 3 Spring Training Yankee games this March and I heard you actually have a good chance of meeting players. Derek will take one glance and me and Minka will be packing her bags.

2) Wentworth Miller (aka Michael Scoffield from Prison Break) - But he has to have the tattoos on because that is part of his allure.

3) Keanu Reeves - He has been on my list since the movie Speed. I just can't let him go. It also doesn't hurt that I met him in the L.A. World Club and drank with him. He's pretty cool!

4) Bradley Cooper - how can you not like him? I am still mad for him not being nominated for Best Actor. He killed in the Hangover, but alas, that is another story.

5) The guy from White Collar - Matt something or other. He rocks a fedora, enough said!

So the ideal situation - Michael, Keanu, Bradley and Matt would all star in a movie together which was filming in Detroit. They would get bored, go to a Tiger's game (who were playing the Yankees) and I would be there. You would next see me on the 11 o'clock news as I was being wrestled to the ground by security!

But What Were You Thinking Oscar?

Yesterday, we dispensed with the big Oscars, but now let's look at the Best Supporting Actress and Actor nominees:

Best Supporting Actor
Matt Damon, Invictus - Or as I like to call Inviticus. I just don't buy Matt with a South African accent. A Boston ghetto accent, yes, but not an African accent.

Woody Harrelson, The Messenger - Why not for Zombieland? He totally rocked that part! He is still a crazy mother f'er. And we thought he was so normal as Woody on Cheers.

Christopher Plummer, The Last Station -Has anyone seen this movie? Enough said.

Stanley Tucci, The Lovely Bones - Another movie I refuse to see. What about a nomination for Julie and Julia? He was awesome in this movie!

Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds - Definitely the leader in the pack. A crazy Nazi, how could he not win?

Best Supporting Actress
Penelope Cruz, Nine - Not her best role. I can roll around on a bed, am I going to be nominated next year?

Vera Farmiga, Up in the Air - She was such a b*tch in this movie. She gives women a bad name. I do not think we should reward that behavior.

Maggie Gyllenhaal, Crazy Heart - I want her to win. She deserves it for her entire movie career. This movie reminds me of The Wrestler - a has been and a white trash girlfriend = Oscar to me.

Anna Kendrick, Up in the Air -Come on - Jessica the bimbo from Twilight and New Moon? Nominated for an Oscar? Not this year honey.

Mo'nique, Precious - I am really sick of her winning though she will probably win again. But I beg you, please get a stylist, you need better clothes!

The Oscar's make me so happy. I watch them religiously. I watch the Red Carpet pre-show, the post show and scour the magazines for the best and worst dressed at the event. Wendy and I searched high and low to find a place to watch the Oscars in Las Vegas. Apparently the Oscar's are the only thing that people can not bet on in the Vegas! We met Robin Williams in LA the day after the Oscars when he was a groggy mess! We make our Oscar picks (sometime for $, sometime just for bragging rights), we have our Oscar parties and we stampede to the movies before the event to see as many movies as we can. Our award season is a long one, but we are up for the challenge!

I Heart Oscar

Do you know that I am obsessed with movie stars, celebrity and paparazzi? Well I do. Shit, now Lady Gaga's song will be going through my head for a week!

The Oscar Nominees came out this morning and in less than 30 minutes after they were announced, Bob, Wendy and I had our picks in for voting and bragging rights for 2010. Let's talk about the nominees:


Best Picture
Avatar - Seriously, where there any real actors in this movie? It should be up for a CGI award, yet the stupid votes will probably give the Oscar to this movie

The Blind Side - My pick for best movie. Finally a "based on a true story movie" that was not of Lifetime TV caliber.

District 9 - Slipped in and out of consciousness while watching this movie on the way to Buenos Aires. Looked like a bunch of ugly aliens eating people.

An Education - Probably pretty good but seems to be a British movie. Let it win at the British Oscars.

The Hurt Locker - Sitting on my TV Stand waiting to be watched. But probably too realistic and depressing for this economy.

Inglourious Basterds - Slipped in and out of consciousness while watching this movie on the way to Buenos Aires. Brad Pitt with a bad 'stache who can not spell.

Precious - Too disturbing for me besides Mariah Carey looks uglier than normal.

A Serious Man - Never heard of this movie. Were they scrapping the bottom of the barrel for this movie? They should have stuck to 5 nominees.

Up - Good but should win the animated category as there were absolutely no real actors in this movie.

Up in the Air - Depressing. But it gets 2 thumbs up since it was filmed partly in Detroit and I was at the airport during filming.

Where the hell is The Hangover?

Best Actor
Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart - Another story of a has been. Need to see the movie but my guess to win.

George Clooney, Up in the Air - Being snubbed so far, but I actually did feel sorry for George in the movie. He plays ice cold dick well, at lease at the beginning of the movie.

Colin Firth, A Single Man - I do like Mr. Darcy, but too limited of a release. Try again next year!

Morgan Freeman, Invictus - Tom liked the movie, I refused to see it. You've won before Morgan, time to allow someone else a chance this year.

Jeremy Renner, The Hurt Locker - Who? See my comments of the movie above. Be happy with the nomination.


Best Actress
Sandra Bullock, Blind Side - Who I want to win but who won't. But shit, after over $300 million in box office this year, she can laugh her way to the bank.

Helen Mirren, The Last Station - Just because it is British movie, does not mean she should be nominated every year. Enough already. Go to the BAFTAs!

Carey Mulligan, An Education - Sorry, you are not going to win. I do not like your hair!

Gabourey Sidibe, Precious - From what I can gather (since I will never see this movie) Monique outshines you. At least you will get a free dress out of the night.

Meryl Streep, Juli and Julia - I loved her in this movie and I think she will win. I wish they could co-Oscars to her and Sandra. All I can say is "Bon Appetite" whenever I eat out now!

We'll see what the Oscars show brings, but I have to go now. I have a bunch of movies to watch before then!