Friday, October 15, 2010

If Patience is a Virtue, I am a Demerit

Definition of Patience: an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.
My Definition: An excuse people make when they do not live up to your expectations.
I have never been a patient person. Shocking, I know, but true. I don't need immediate gratification but I do not like to be subjected to unacceptable wait times for no apparent reasons.
Like when I need a Sales Associate at a store. They either fall into 2 categories - those that work on commission or are bored, and have pounced on you like a puma before you fully step across the thresh hold of the store entrance or those who don't like there $7.50/hour job and could really give a rat's ass if you buy anything.
The other day, MJ and I were at Toys R Us. That store scares me, it is like a playground for those with ADD, there is to much to take in. I was looking for a particular item for the Twinkies birthdays, so I was on a mission. After failing to find someone to assist, and having wandered around the entire store 9 months pregnant, I made my way back to the front of the store, to track down a cashier. I walked up to Customer Service on one side and was told "I can help you over here." Are you f'in kidding me? I am 9 months pregnant and you are not. You can move your lazy ass over here and wait on me, I am the customer. Once we got the fact established that I was not moving, we could move on to securing my item and getting the hell out of there.
Last night, Scottie, Fay and I went to Palm Palace for a Past President's Party. We were slightly proud of our evening of alliteration. Lo and behold, Scottie arrived first, with me following about 5 minutes late. Fay was running 15 minutes late as she and Tom had just finished buying her a new car, so we took our booth. The waitress was on us in 30 seconds demanding our drink order, not understanding we were waiting for a 3rd person and trying to get us to order our food. After interrupting us 3 times in 5 minutes, it was enough.
Once Fay got there though, she was no place to be seen. We had to hail another waiter to get a drink and food order placed, and get the bill. We had to literally hunt her down to get her to take the payment so we could leave. Is cutting citrus really more important that your tip? Apparently, the answer was YES!
Now let's talk about the latest - Mimi being almost a week late. Really kid? We waited 4 months
to be able to tell people about you. I have schlepped you to 4 countries, 9 states and 2 rock concerts. We want to meet you! Could you throw us a bone here? Who knew my belly was so cozy!
Screw patience, maybe I am a fan of instant gratification!

Friday, October 8, 2010

Wedding Wackiness - The Big Day

To recap so far, Vegas has been an adventure. We survived the scary marriage license office, my Dad ended up in the ER during the rehearsal, unexpected friends showed up to surprise us and my niece was flippin' hysterical as usual.

Wedding morning, it was off to find some chocolattes at Starbuck's (as KellieLynn calls them) before heading back to the crazy beauty salon to get our hair done at the crack of dawn. As my hair was being teased about as high as Elvis's pompadour phase, KL comes over and declares "Auntie, you have to do something about that poof!" Hysterics ensued and it was off to the country club.

At the country club, the wind was still whipping like we were in the midst of a tropical storm, the decision was made to move the wedding ceremony inside. As Fay, MJ, Helen, Kiki, KL and Mom ran around like chickens with their heads cut off to make sure everything was done, I chilled in the dressing room with some snacks and champagne. KL was so chic drinking her Sprite from a champagne flute.

The wedding went off perfectly in a blur that seemed to last about 3 minutes, when it actually lasted 20 minutes! We had a birthday cake for Mom, Dad was heard mumbling obscenities along the lines of "I am paying for this and all I can eat is applesauce and not drink". Wendy and KL kept throwing rose petals and then collecting them and throwing them again so it was a rose storm through out the entire reception! KL danced with Bryan with a 'Y', helped Scottie secure his vest clips and after a mini-meltdown that led to a plate of chicken fingers to appear, was the life of the party.

After some spilled wine, a very happy best man (who is not used to drinking a lot of red wine) and a lot of fun, Tom and I were off to cruise the Strip in a limo. It was fun - people were trying to look in and see if we were famous! Of course, it would not have been my wedding if I did not hit a Starbuck's replete in my wedding dress! We were too big to go through the drive-in in the limo, but we did get free drinks.

Then, it was back to the hotel for showers and to get ready for the after-glow with about 30 friends!