Is This Museum Real or a Joke?

I love quirky museums. The more bizarre, the better. With all my travels, I get bored with art museums, historical sights, unless there is some gimmick to the attraction. Let's take a look at some of my most memorable ones:

- The International Museum of Surgical Science in Chicago - features exhibits dealing with various aspects of Eastern and Western medicine - lots of torture like medical instruments from the past, along with lots of body parts in formaldehyde.

- Call of the Wild Museum in Gaylord - The whole museum is all dead animals native to northern Michigan, tanned and stuffed. Really rather disturbing but less stinky than a zoo.

- Swaminarayan Akshardham in New Delhi - showcases the essence of India’s ancient architecture, traditions and timeless spiritual messages. This is where we took a It's a Small World boat ride through the temple and learned that an Indian invented gunpowder, antibiotics, fire and the wheel, contrary to what we have read in books!

- Liberace and Elvis-O-Rama Museums in Las Vegas - these museums more glitter and neon than anyplace in the world!

- Sake Tasting Museum in Berkeley, CA - interesting and gave me flashbacks to too many sake bombs and Korean bombs with my JCI Friends.

- The Christmas Story Museum in Cleveland, OH - where else can you go and live out the marathon TNT movie that plays for 24 hours ever Christmas? I want that leg lamp!

The Newseum in Washington D.C. - here I got to be a new reporter for the Washington Nationals, which was pretty cool!

Well there are probably a lot of other "interesting" museums that I have visited, these are at the top! Let me know the quirkiest place you have ever visited :)!

I Followed Instuctions - So Why Am I Being Badgered?

To Badger: to harass or urge persistently; pester; nag (please hold this definition for later use)

Last night Fay and I were enjoying an eclectic dinner of hot dogs, crab stuffed mushroom caps, baked potatoes and pickles while watching the hot vampires and the not-so-hot werewolves fight on The Gates when there was a vigorous knocking on the door. Hoping it is another Baby Shower gift for Mimi (a girl can dream), I went to the door to be confronted by a census worker.

"I sent in my census months ago I stated." She said she knew but the people in the condo next to me did not. And how is that my problem? Then the barrage of questions came: When will they be back? Do you know their names? Are they on vacation, as we were here earlier today and they we not at home either?

To which I responded in my most non-smart ass voice I could muster - I don't know when they will be back. Last time I looked (and not closely), none of them wore an ankle monitor that I was in charge of tracking. No, I don't know their names, we say hello in the hall, but we are not BFFs. I don't know if they are on vacation. If you were here only 6 hours ago, maybe they are at work!!!!

After a another round of assaulting questions, in which Fay giggled from inside the condo, while I gave her the finger behind my back, the census worker said she was done and then she proceeded to hand me a confidentiality notice. I am sure the extensive knowledge (or lack there of) of my neighbors was Top Secret.

I was finally able to lock the door, shoo away the crazies and get back to my vampires and werewolves!

The Glow of Pregancy is BS!

For all the women who go around telling you being pregnant is the best thing that has ever happened to them, they are complete liars. Their noses should be growing like Pinocchio. While parts of pregnancy are cool (like feeling the baby kick and hearing the heartbeat), most is not.

Let's start at the beginning when you do not know you are pregnant. Say you are tromping around the Paraguayan jungle in 100 degree heat in a suit, and you feel like dying, not too much fun! Or when you are at Carnivale jumping and dancing in a penned area for several hours, and you feel like passing out of exhaustion, the excitement of being at freakin' Carnivale is somewhat tempered.

How about the not drinking for 9 months punishment? Absolute torture! Definitely the hardest part of being pregnant! I like my apple martinis damn it and a club soda and cranberry juice does not cut it. I mean, I have resorted to non-alcoholic beer for the taste, how pathetic is that? Birthday Extravaganzas, Bar Crawls and German Park definitely lose some of their appeal!

Now the unsolicited comments: "You look like you have popped." "Wow! It's a hot summer for you to be pregnant!" "You look a little fuller." First of all, I am not a balloon. I have not popped anything. News Flash, babies take up space in your body as they get bigger. Do you need Sex 101 again? Second, this summer has been hotter than normal for long periods of time, for EVERYONE, not just for pregnant people like me. Deal with it, the weather sucks! Finally, refer to comment #1. I am pregnant bitch, that is why I look fuller, what is your excuse? Too many cupcakes?

Don't even get me started on when the baby decides to run a marathon when I am trying to sleep, the alien like movements that appear at random times during meetings and are clearly visible through your shirt or the fact that I cannot play softball like I have for the past 23 years of my life. I can't go on amusement park rides, can't go ziplining, can't go white water rafting and I am sure to get weird looks at the upcoming Eminem/Jay-Z concert.

While I am super excited to meet Mimi, could you you hurry up and get on with it? Thanks!

It all Started with a Convertible

This week, I wearily approached the rental car counter at 11:30 at night. I was tired, and I had an early morning the next day. As the representative was typing away, he says, " we don't have the mid-size car that you reserved - can we upgrade you to a convertible?" Um, let me think about that. Yeah! You certainly aren't going to give me a Yugo!

So fast forward to the next day, it is 75 degrees, not humid and the sun is shining. After figuring out how to get the roof down, I was ready for the hour ride from Augusta, back to Portland. Wishing I had a scarf to look like Jackie-O as I drove down the highway, my mind started to wander back to my days in L.A. and our convertible adventures. A couple of things not to do with a convertibles - 1) Don't try to put up the roof quickly at a stop life (even if you are the ghetto of Compton), it is nearly impossible and nerve racking; 2) Don't put your mocha frappacino on your rag top white roof - it makes an awful mess and attracts attention at the rental car return counter!

As I went by the many lakes and the bays in Maine, it brought me back to a childhood vacation to Old Orchard Beach, while even though it was July, the water was freakin' cold! One day there was a special current that came in, the water was tolerable and there were hundred of thousands sand dollars all over the sand bars. So Kiki and I decided to collect sand dollars to make ornaments, magnets, give to our friends, etc. Over the course of the day, we collected ~500. We packed them up and left Maine for our next destination in our motor home.

All was fine until Day 2, when the smell of sewer was unbearable. My Dad was stumped, the toilet tank had been emptied the night before, but even cruising down the highway at 55 mph, I was gagging! We finally figured it out - the Sand Dollars were dying and rotting in the outside compartment of the camper! A quick trip to the local grocery store in whatever city we were in and a couple of bottles of bleach later and we had the odor issue under control and the sand dollars could once again be our craft projects for the next several months!

It's funny how something as simple as an free upgrade can take you back to a long forgotten childhood memory!