More Pregnancy Ramblings

Well we talked about the basics before, no alcohol, stupid people making comments that they should really keep to themselves and unexpected alien movements. But as the time ticks down (less than a month to go), let me tell you a few more of my pet peeves.

First of all, what is with the feet swelling? I am still exercising, I am still walking around, why does water seem to accumulate - I have permanent cankles! Really, you would think I was drinking 10 gallons of liquid a day. On top of that, note to self, dropping a pineapple can from the highest shelf in the kitchen onto your foot does not help matters.

Next up, incessant, useless Dr. visits. Please tell me why it is OK to keep me waiting 20 - 40 minutes to tell me how many weeks pregnant I am and to tell me I have gained more weight. I am acutely aware of how pregnant I am and they have these inventions called scales that are miracles of modern technology. Also, I can get up off the exam table (see above, I still do sit-ups at exercise class), I do not need your assistance. Maybe there are other lazy a**es out there who enjoy hanging out at the doctor's office, but I am not one of them!

I want to be able to paint my toe nails without feeling like I hiked a set of stairs - in July when I was home, I conned my sister into painting my toe nails. She thought I could not reach toes and she agreed to it, but got mad when she realized I could reach my feet when I applied the clear coat myself. I was just being lazy and wanted to be pampered. Now I could use some help, where are you Kiki?

Wardrobe - really it needs to say above 65 until Mimi is born. I have no pants that fit, only skirts and capris and I don't need frost bite waiting for her to arrive. That would just be the icing (pun intended) on the cake!

The nursery is ready, Tom is infant CPR certified and we are off to Daddy Boot Camp and Mommy Survival classes this weekend. Now, we just need you to hurry up and come hang out with us!

Men Just Don't Understand

This morning as I was looking at my eyebrows and the need to get them waxed, I realized men have it easy. Unless they are metrosexual (who have higher standards), men don't really spend much time prettying themselves up. They shower, shave semi - regularly and do enough with their eyebrows, if they are smart, not to look like Bert from Sesame Street with the unibrow. But most of the time, they do not care about the brand they are using, will easily substitute soap for shampoo in a jam and don't really think twice about the hair all over their bodies. So, I say, unless you have walked a mile in a woman's shoes, do not ever complain on how long it takes us to get ready.

Women spend a lot of time and money on our appearance. We spend large amounts of time at the hair salon getting cut, colored and styled. We sometimes miss the mark and get a hair style that we look back on with disdain, but we can say that we have not had the same hair cut since high school! We wax (and not just our eyebrows), we get manicures, pedicures and body scrubs. I have been scrubbed within an inch of my life trying to get fresh and vibrant skin.

I have been wrapped in what amounted to aluminum foil to help my body detoxify, and I have subjected my self to a mud bath to release the impurities from my skin. My Mom and I have sat in mineral baths that stink to make our skin smoother and I am married in probably 7 countries as a result of a very deep tissue massage to release the tension in my body.

But even I draw the line with some of the crazy beauty treatments available - I do not plan on having ear candling, nor cupping. I do not like hot stone massage because it leaves welts all over for body for 2 days which look gross, nor do I think a facial is worth $170 (unless of course I was filthy rich and then it would be worth every cent). But I do think that men should appreciate the efforts that most women make to look good. After all, it is not easy being me!