If Patience is a Virtue, I am a Demerit

Definition of Patience: an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.

My Definition: An excuse people make when they do not live up to your expectations.

I have never been a patient person. Shocking, I know, but true. I don't need immediate gratification but I do not like to be subjected to unacceptable wait times for no apparent reasons.

Like when I need a Sales Associate at a store. They either fall into 2 categories - those that work on commission or are bored, and have pounced on you like a puma before you fully step across the thresh hold of the store entrance or those who don't like there $7.50/hour job and could really give a rat's ass if you buy anything.

The other day, MJ and I were at Toys R Us. That store scares me, it is like a playground for those with ADD, there is to much to take in. I was looking for a particular item for the Twinkies birthdays, so I was on a mission. After failing to find someone to assist, and having wandered around the entire store 9 months pregnant, I made my way back to the front of the store, to track down a cashier. I walked up to Customer Service on one side and was told "I can help you over here." Are you f'in kidding me? I am 9 months pregnant and you are not. You can move your lazy ass over here and wait on me, I am the customer. Once we got the fact established that I was not moving, we could move on to securing my item and getting the hell out of there.

Last night, Scottie, Fay and I went to Palm Palace for a Past President's Party. We were slightly proud of our evening of alliteration. Lo and behold, Scottie arrived first, with me following about 5 minutes late. Fay was running 15 minutes late as she and Tom had just finished buying her a new car, so we took our booth. The waitress was on us in 30 seconds demanding our drink order, not understanding we were waiting for a 3rd person and trying to get us to order our food. After interrupting us 3 times in 5 minutes, it was enough.

Once Fay got there though, she was no place to be seen. We had to hail another waiter to get a drink and food order placed, and get the bill. We had to literally hunt her down to get her to take the payment so we could leave. Is cutting citrus really more important that your tip? Apparently, the answer was YES!

Now let's talk about the latest - Mimi being almost a week late. Really kid? We waited 4 months

to be able to tell people about you. I have schlepped you to 4 countries, 9 states and 2 rock concerts. We want to meet you! Could you throw us a bone here? Who knew my belly was so cozy!

Screw patience, maybe I am a fan of instant gratification!

Customer Service - Does this Mean I have to Service the Customer?

For those of you who know me well, you know I don't stand by quietly when I get poor service. I actually can turn into quite a stark raving lunatic when I feel that something is not quite right. Who wants to pay good money for bad service? I don't and everyone knows about it when it happens. My first run in was when I was about 8 and I was at Chucky Cheese with the family. Another kid was not following the rules, and rules are there for a reason, so I said with all seriousness, I am going to call the manager to deal with you!

Let's take Northwest to start with. I fly over 75,000 miles a year and I think I am #1 in their frequent complainer club. One of my biggest pet peeves is waiting to deplane when I get back home to Detroit. Why does this happen? It is not like we have snuck in under the radar. We are not Special Forces. We are not invading a foreign country. The FAA knows we landed, otherwise we would be on the nightly news. Why does no one from Northwest know this? How hard is it to get 3 people to a gate on time to get us out of the tin can? How about the fact that there is no gate? Again, really? There are 76 gates in the A terminal. If they are all full, Houston we have a problem. No one would be going anyplace as there would be too much air traffic. And why, please tell me, do they always park us at the absolute farthest gate from baggage claim and our cars? After spending a long day flying, the last thing I want to do is walk 2 miles dragging my suitcase and lap top bag dodging vacationing families who travel once a year and do the stupid things.

Restaurants also seem notorious for bad customer service. One night I was out to dinner with my family and we were cold, I mean it's going to snow cold. We asked the waiter to see if they could turn the hurricane strength gust of wind above us off. They did that but the air was still colder than a freezer. Here we are trying to eat dinner and I am in my parka with my scarf! Finally, I figured out what was happening. The greeter kept opening the door to the area between the outdoors and the restaurant for no reason except to flirt with some young girls! I went over to tell him to stop, I could really care less if he ended up with some digits at the end of his shift, but as the meal progressed, it continued. This is when I lost my cool and snapped. I demanded a manager and started to gesticulate loudly as to why I was dissatisfied. Let's just say most of our meal was full (and there were 6 of us at dinner), my parents were embarrassed and had to stay away from the restaurant for 6 months, and I was still freezing cold!

Let me tell you about the baseball game we just tried to attend. I said tried. Apparently after this local team passed out hundreds of schedules to the public, they decided to end their home season early. How is that even legal? Can I call the MLB and tell them that this local leagues are giving them a bad name? What would possess them to leave fans standing outside a stadium with absolutely no sign even to tell you that there was no game? As you can guess, this team is know dead to me.

Customer Service means you actually provide a service to the customer. It means you don't inconvenience me, you don't irritate me, and you certainly do not stand me up, unless you want to hear about, unless you want to give me free services and unless you want me to write about it!